The Power of Shaping Your Identity
Understanding, Changing, and Owning Who You Want to Be
We’re just over a week into the new year. As things return to their normal rhythm, it’s a great time to reflect on the fresh start. Did you set any resolutions or goals for yourself? Maybe you’ve made progress, or perhaps it’s been harder to stick with them than you expected.
If you’ve already struggled to keep up, don’t worry—you’re not alone. On average, about 25% of people who set resolutions abandon them in the first week of the new year.
But this isn’t just a “new year” problem. It happens any time someone sets a goal. Statistics show that within one week, ~25% of people give up. By two weeks, that number climbs to ~40%. And by the end of one month, over 55% have stopped trying.
So why do so many commitments to change fail?
Goals might be too ambitious. Results come too slowly. Motivation fizzles out. There’s no shortage of reasons.
These struggles aren’t just about discipline or motivation—they stem from a deeper issue: Identity. The way we see ourselves shapes the actions we take and, ultimately, whether those actions stick.
When it comes to lasting change, your identity will make or break your success.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle
How Identity is Defined
Identity is a complex and often studied, but for simplicity’s sake, let’s define it this way:
Identity is how you describe yourself to the world.
So, what does that really mean?
Think about it as filling out a profile about yourself. At the surface level, there are the basic facts—your name, age, height, or where you were born. But identity goes much deeper than that. It’s shaped by the roles you take on, the choices you make, and the beliefs you hold.
What do you do for work and how do you spend your time?
What are your hobbies and passions—the things that bring you joy?
What routines or habits define your days? Are you a morning person or a night owl?
What values guide your decisions? Do you see yourself as someone who is kind? Determined? Adventurous?
How do you handle challenges? Are you a problem-solver? Supporter? Fighter?
What roles do you play in life? Parent, partner, friend, mentor?
How do you see your potential? Do you believe you’re capable of growth, or do you feel stuck in the person you are today?
When you reflect on questions like this, you start to uncover the framework of how you view yourself in the world
And once you understand that framework, you can begin to change it—and with it, the habits and actions that shape your life
Why Changing Identity is Hard
When people set out to change, they usually focus on behaviors. They want to do something differently—exercise more, eat better, or spend less time on their phone.
But why do so many of these efforts fail?
Because they skip the crucial first step: examining and aligning their identity.
Here’s the thing:
Your habits define your identity. They’re the proof of who you are.
Your identity drives your habits. It fuels the motivation behind what you do.
When your identity and habits don’t align, change feels forced.
Why is it so hard?
Because we aren’t honest with ourselves.
Sometimes, we set goals or habits that don’t align with how we genuinely see ourselves. For instance, you might set a goal to wake up at 5 a.m. every day, but deep down, you identify as someone who values late-night creative bursts of energy.
We often try to force change without acknowledging or accepting where we currently are. This gap between our current identity and our desired actions creates constant tension. Without first addressing and reshaping how we view ourselves, it’s hard to make those habits stick.Because we let others define us.
Throughout life, other people’s labels can stick—“the smart one,” “the lazy one,” “the one who never finishes anything.” Over time, we internalize these labels, even if they no longer reflect who we are or who we want to become.
When we let others’ perceptions define us, we lose the ability to shape our own identity. Any attempt to change feels like swimming upstream because we’re battling not only our habits but also the weight of someone else’s expectations.Because we follow societal scripts.
Society encourages us to chase certain identities that are seen as valuable—“successful,” “busy,” and “perfect.” These expectations can lead us to pursue goals that don’t align with what we truly want.
For example, you might feel pressured to become the “always-productive” person, even if what you really value is slowing down and enjoying life. The more we chase externally imposed goals, the harder it becomes to create change that feels meaningful and authentic to ourselves.
How to Actively Redefine Your Identity
Redefining your identity starts with intentionality and small, consistent actions. It’s not about flipping a switch overnight; it’s about building the person you want to become, one step at a time. Let’s break it down into actionable steps inspired by techniques from Atomic Habits by James Clear.
Step 1: Reflect on Who You Are
Start by taking a thorough look at your current identity without any judgment.
Write down the words and phrases you use to describe yourself.
What roles, habits, and values currently define you?
What are the patterns in how you see yourself?
This step is not about deciding what’s “good” or “bad” or where you want to go next. It’s simply about understanding who you are right now, so you can build a clearer path forward.
Imagine filling out a detailed profile of yourself, using your last few weeks to describe who you are and what you do.
Step 2: Define Who You Want to Be
Now, envision the person you want to be—the version of yourself that aligns with your deepest goals and values.
Ask yourself:
If I were the person I want to be, what would that life look like?
What habits, values, and actions would define this version of me?
How would I show up in work, relationships, health, or personal growth?
Why does this version of me matter? What difference will it make in my life and the lives of those around me?
Be specific. The clearer your vision, the easier it is to align your actions with it.
It can help to look at your big goals and work backward. For example, if you have a goal to run a marathon, you might define your future self as an athlete—someone who enjoys movement, values health, and commits to consistent training.
Step 3: Step Into Your New Identity
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.” - Henry Ford
Before taking action, bridge the gap between who you are now and who you aim to be. This step shifts your mindset to fully embrace your new identity.
Claim Your Identity: Stop labeling your future self as “someone I want to be.” Start affirming it as “who I am.” For example, say, “I am someone who values health and movement.”
Visualize Living It: Spend a few moments each day imagining yourself as the person you want to be. How do they think, act, and feel? Visualization helps solidify the belief that this identity is already yours.
Reframe Doubt: When resistance creeps in, remind yourself that every new identity feels unfamiliar at first. You’re not pretending—you’re growing into your potential.
This mindset shift creates a foundation for meaningful action.
Step 4: Reinforce It Daily
Identity is reinforced through consistent, intentional actions that serve as evidence of who you are becoming. This step is about aligning your habits with your identity until it feels natural and automatic.
Start Small: Choose one or two manageable actions that align with your desired identity. Keep them simple and repeatable, like drinking a glass of water in the morning or going for a 10-minute walk. The goal is to develop these actions until they feel like normal behaviors, not something you need to remind yourself to do.
Track Your Wins: Each day, jot down one thing you did that reflects your new identity. It doesn’t have to be monumental—small wins are what build momentum. By tracking these moments, you create a clear record of your progress and reinforce your belief in the person you’re becoming.
Celebrate Progress: Recognize your efforts, no matter how small they seem. Each action you take is a “vote” for your new identity. Celebrating these steps, even privately, helps connect your actions to your evolving sense of self and keeps you motivated.
Stay Patient: Building a new identity takes time and persistence. There will be setbacks, but those moments don’t define you. Instead, use them as opportunities to reflect, adjust, and recommit to your vision. Progress isn’t linear, and patience is key to staying on track.
Every intentional action you take strengthens your identity. Over time, these actions compound, transforming your identity into something that feels authentic—not just what you do, but who you are.
Change can be hard, and it’s no wonder so many of us struggle to stick with it. The problem isn’t just about habits or motivation—it’s about identity. When we try to force change without first addressing how we see ourselves, the process feels like an uphill battle.
But the good news is that identity isn’t fixed. You have the tools to reshape it: understanding who you are now, defining who you want to be, embracing that vision as who you are, and reinforcing it with small, consistent actions.
Some identity changes may come easily. For instance, deciding to become “someone who drinks more water” might start with a single habit that sticks right away. Others, like becoming “someone who prioritizes fitness” or letting go of “being someone who procrastinates,” can be harder—those identities might run deeper. That’s where you lean on your vision for your future self. Each small step is proof of your growth and builds the foundation for lasting change.
The path isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. Change starts with the decision to stop waiting for “someday” and take action today.
So, who do you want to be? Don’t wait for another day to pass—write it down, and commit to one small step that moves you closer to that vision. Every action you take is a vote for the person you’re becoming.
Your identity is yours to shape. Start building it today.