You Don’t Have to Win a Game You Don’t Want to Play
How to Stop Measuring Success by Someone Else’s Scorecard
We talk a lot about goals. Chasing them, crushing them, leveling up.
But not enough people stop to ask: Why this goal? And what happens if I catch it?
It’s easy to fall into achievement mode. Set a big milestone, work hard, check the box. But if you’re not careful, you’ll spend years climbing a ladder—only to realize it was leaning on the wrong wall.
That’s how I spent most of my life. I got really good at chasing the kind of success that looks impressive on paper—without ever stopping to ask if I actually wanted it.
It wasn’t until I started doing the harder work—the quiet, daily decisions that build grit and help you live more adventurously—that I finally slowed down enough to ask the bigger question: What am I actually building here?
This article isn’t about the kind of success that fits in a caption. It’s about something deeper: telling the truth about what matters to you—and walking away from the goals that don’t.
Because sometimes the boldest move isn’t to chase harder. It’s to choose differently.
“Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it.” — Viktor Frankl
The Problem With How We Define Success
Success is easy to define when you let someone else define it for you.
It starts early. Get good grades. Be well-behaved. Make the team. Win the award. Pick the college that impresses people. Choose a job that makes money. Buy the fancy house. Climb that ladder.
We learn the rhythm young. We’re handed a checklist for what a “good life” is supposed to look like—and most of us spend years trying to keep up.
That chase doesn’t stop in adulthood either. In work, in fitness, even in hobbies—we chase goals that are easy to measure, easy to explain, and easy to compare.
A certain salary. A certain title. A certain number on the scale. Step counts, PRs, promotions. Not always because we care—but because they’re what everyone else is chasing too.
We say yes to what looks productive. What earns praise. What gets claps from the outside.
We follow the plan, hit the targets, and hope we’ll eventually feel how we’re supposed to: proud, accomplished, fullfilled.
We’re surrounded by polished, loud examples of what success is “supposed” to look like. Social media. Movies. Motivational influencers. Highlight reels filled with six-figure mornings, abs at sunrise, and motivational mantras.
But what happens when you get there—and it doesn’t feel like you thought it would?
You start to inherit other people’s goals without even realizing it. Expectations from school, work, family, your sport, your community, and society at large.
You chase what’s praised. You avoid what looks like failure.
And sometimes, you get really good at it. You reach the milestones. You check every box. You win by the world’s standards.
But deep down, something still feels…off.
That’s the trap: You can spend years chasing something that never actually belonged to you.
When I was at the top of my old career, I had a life that looked successful. On paper, I’d made it. But I wasn’t fulfilled. I wasn’t free. I felt boxed in by routines I didn’t love and drained by a future I didn’t want. And the worst part? I didn’t know how to say that out loud without sounding ungrateful—or broken.
This is where a lot of people get stuck. You don’t hate your life. But it’s not fully yours either.
And that’s when it’s worth asking: What am I really chasing?
Because if you never stop to ask, you’ll keep chasing someone else’s definition of success—and never feel like you’ve arrived.
Why Chasing the Wrong Goals Leaves You Empty
There’s a difference between pursuing goals and being pulled by them.
Most people don’t choose their version of success—they inherit it. From school. From family. From social media. From the culture around them. And once they’re in motion, they rarely stop to question the path. The job. The goals. The lifestyle. Because it all looks like progress.
We’re told the world rewards people who stay “on track.” So we follow the steps: pick the safe major, take the impressive job, buy the house, keep climbing. And little by little, we end up chasing a life that was pre-selected for us—but never truly chosen by us.
That’s the trap of outside definitions of success: they’re built for comparison. Measured. Ranked. Applauded. They turn your life into a scoreboard—and you into a competitor, whether you meant to sign up or not.
So you chase goals that sound impressive. Measure your worth in paychecks, PRs, and productivity. You never stop to ask: Does this even matter to me? You just aim for what’s next.
And the worst part? It almost works. You get just enough success to stay in it. Just enough progress to quiet the discomfort. Just enough praise to make you think, maybe this is working—even when something deep down feels off.
You’re not miserable. You’re just… drifting. Quietly unfulfilled. Living in a low-grade fog that never quite lifts.
And because it’s not a full-blown crisis, it’s easy to justify. Easy to numb. You scroll. You snack. You binge. You bury yourself in busyness and tell yourself it’ll all be worth it someday.
Until one day, the gap between the life you’re living and the one you actually want becomes too big to ignore.
That’s when the weight hits you: you’ve built a life around being liked, being seen, being “on track.” And now, you’re afraid to lose it—because you’ve wrapped your identity around it.
You’ve climbed high on the ladder, and now you’re scared to fall. So you keep climbing. Not because it feels good. But because starting over somehow feels worse.
That’s the danger. You burn out. You feel like a fraud. Or you live with quiet anxiety—because everything you’ve built only holds together if you keep pretending this is what you want.
And eventually, you stop trusting yourself to climb down. Because when you’ve gone that high, it’s hard to admit the ladder’s leaning on the wrong wall.
Real success isn’t about checking boxes. It’s about alignment—with your energy, your priorities, and what you actually value.
It’s about building a life that feels honest. Sustainable. Yours. And you don’t get there by keeping up. You get there by choosing differently.
How to Build a Version of Success That Feels Like Yours
We don’t need to burn everything down to build something better. But we do need to stop blindly chasing goals we never meant to sign up for.
Most people aren’t failing—they’re just stuck playing by rules they didn’t write. Following a script. Climbing a ladder. Checking boxes. And never pausing to ask, “Do I even care about this?”
Real success isn’t about pushing harder. It’s about choosing what matters—and walking away from what doesn’t.
That starts with paying attention. Once you start paying attention, it gets clearer—what’s yours, what’s not, and what needs to change.
What are you aiming for right now? Where did that goal come from? Is it still yours, or just something you inherited along the way? Are you chasing it for meaning—or because you think you’re supposed to?
You don’t need to quit your job or move across the country. But you do need to get honest.
That might mean letting go of goals that no longer fit. It might mean stepping back from a path you could win—because it’s not the life you actually want. It might mean disappointing people who thought they knew where you were headed. It might mean redefining what growth looks like. It might mean walking away from something that still “makes sense” on paper—because it doesn’t feel right in your gut.
You don’t owe the world a perfect story. You owe yourself a life that feels real.
Because real success isn’t a destination. It’s a way of living.
It’s not I’ll be successful when I hit the goal.
It’s I’m being successful when I live in alignment with what matters to me.
I’m being successful…
When I say no to what drains me.
When I create space for what excites me.
When I show up on purpose.
When I stop performing—and start choosing.
That’s how you build a version of success that actually feels like yours.
You don’t have to win a game you don’t want to play. You just have to decide which game is worth showing up for.
And then? Play that one. All in.
You don’t have to win a game you don’t want to play.
And you don’t have to keep chasing goals just because they look good on paper—or because people expect you to.
Real success isn’t about keeping up. It’s about getting clear on what actually matters to you—and committing to that fully. Not with blind hustle, but with honest direction.
Because pressure-based success will always leave you tired.
But aligned success? That creates momentum. Energy. A sense of freedom you can actually feel.
So if something feels off, don’t just double down. Step back. Pay attention. Ask the harder question: What does success look like—if I’m the only one keeping score?
Start there. Make one honest move. Let go of one thing that no longer fits. Then take the next step, and the next one after that.
Not away from ambition, but toward the kind of life you actually want to build.